Updated: Mar 24
As with all things this does not mean that assumptions are inherently evil, or they've been built to cause negativity and hate throughout the world. That's not the case at all. There's a lot of positivity that can come from proper use of assumptions, but with all things they can be corrupted and used inappropriately.
There's a bit of faith and a lot of trusts that goes into a relationship so you want to be able to assume some things. Such as you want to assume your significant other will be faithful to you during the period of the relationship (if the relationship is exclusive) and you want to assume there'll only be love and butterflies throughout the relationship.
It doesn't matter what stage of the relationship you're in, from the first half a dozen dates to the honeymoon phase to the comfort phase, and back to an actual honeymoon. There will always be certain assumptions that combine with elements of judgment and expectations that can eventually lead to an explosive situation.
The power of assumptions
Eventually, as we grow older we're programmed to think a certain way about certain things. It helps the human race become adept in filling in communication gaps with the ultimate universal goal of pure efficiency.
This happens in long-term relationships where your nonverbal communication becomes a near superpower. A glance at your loved one and a gesture with your head has your loved one assuming it's time to leave the boring dinner party or to leave your friend's house and get home earlier.
You can expand this further and start finishing each other's sentences due to the assumption of what they're thinking about a topic or how they're going to react or respond to something. This is great, in small doses, as it can actually bring more adhesion to a relationship.
The danger of assumptions
With great power comes some responsibility. When we make an assumption we're locking an idea at a specific point in time. We've programmed and frozen a statement we believe to be true and many people don't alter their thinking. Don't believe me? How about this assumption...everyone who goes to college will make more money. Or the only way to make any real money is to become a doctor, lawyer, or accountant. Maybe once they were sprinkled with the truth but no longer.
Now take those into a relationship setting and you will quickly see that the person in your life that matters more than your favorite flavor of cake, or something else relatively important, has been frozen by you every time you make an assumption on them.
It could be something as simple as seeing them act lazy during the pandemic or not looking for work when unemployed at one point in their lives. It could be something unrelated to the relationship, such as where they are from, what is their sexual preference, or what is their religion.
These can lead to assumptions that the city they’re born in or the religion they practice means they behave and act a certain way and that all people from those backgrounds are like that.
That's when the fighting and miscommunication happen. Never freeze your partner out or have them freeze you. The beginning of a relationship is the first step on a new chapter in life and that chapter needs to have new content and updates made to it as it grows in size. Be curious, explore together, ask questions, and always be grateful for the person you're changing with.